Part of motherhood – as I’m learning. My “little one” is now already 6 years and is really getting the hang of the idea to argue. Including figuring great tactics too might I add.
Recently I’ve been told, from people who knows a lot more than me about parenting, that I need to be more firm and say no when needed. Now I’ll admit that I tend to lean towards avoiding arguing for as long as I can hold it off (and then there are times when it is just blank no).
In the process then, in learning to say no, I have discovered that the outcome is quite different to what I initially imagined. It appears that me saying no is actually making my son feel more secure. Yes, he may protest a times, but mainly he’s seem quite pleased that I’m in charge of what works and what doesn’t. That someone is there to guide to what may lead to peace and what may be less peaceful.
I was also told that me being able to say no to him, makes him feel more secure simply because if I can’t hold him off, then who or what can I protect him from?
Of course, me being me, I realized that this whole process actually appears in us grown ups too.
You may think twice about saying no, BECAUSE you’re trying to avoid a conflict. Just like I was with my son. You might even at times feel obligated to say yes, because for some mad reason you “owe” it. You’re trying to be nice and please someone other than yourself.
The catch is, you’re not. You’re not doing the other person ANY favours by saying yes when you actually mean no. You’ll be unhappy and others involved will be end up miserable too because you were dishonest, both to yourself and them.
Next time, give them a no. See what happens. Strange as it may sound, people will actually thank you for it. They’ll appreciate you honesty (even when they are hoping for a yes!). They’ll feel relieved that you are taking charge and guiding the way. MOST people – by no means all – wants a leader who shows the way.
We need to take responsibility for our own choices and when we need to make our own decisions.
Be the leader and learn to say no – and be free and happy 🙂