I’m a massive typical only-child and possess most of the traits that comes along with it. Amongst others thinking the Universe starts and ends with me, and being loner. By choice or by default? As a kid, I choose to walk alone. I rather spend time alone than in company, if given the choice. I rather sit with my mum at a dentist’s waiting room on a hot day, than playing in the pool with my class mates.
Thinking back and wondering why, surely it had to do with feeling safe, but I also recall thinking few of the people in my surrounding where interesting enough for me to want to spend time with them. What it really came down to was my inexperienced in social life and rather than benefitting from others, I found it to be hard work. So I chose animals and had more fun in being at the barn with all the horses. Maybe I would have been more social if I would have grown up elsewhere? I doubt it. I simply didn’t have the experience to be around a lot of people all the time. Being social exhausted me because, just as in physical training, I wasn’t ‘fit’ enough to keep up. Interesting enough I have always been very physically fit. I had a lack of interest in social life and would rather be with animals, or reading books or writing myself.
As a teenager my lack of social skills meant that I was struggling with simple events such as a dinner function my dad would bring me on. Then one day a blessing came my way. A friend’s mum told THE Secret to Social Life: Ask questions, because people LOVE to talk about themselves! Problem solved! Along with my social life 😉 I wish someone would have told me this priceless lessons many years earlier, maybe it was part of my path, but at least I got it in my teenage years. And, lo and behold, social life suddenly became much more interesting. My real social skills I learnt from living and working in Los Angeles for many years. Interestingly enough, hanging out with many other Europeans.
One of the biggest issues of living in that lonely bubble is, not only do you get disconnected, but life gets boring when you have no concerns or interest in others. You tend to attract other loners, which only serve to reinforce the negative energy about being social. While learning in other areas that might otherwise have gone unnoticed, you miss out on a lot. For example, talking to people in the most unexpected places. Such as government officials while waiting, will not only make life more interesting, but i likely to lead to people wanting to help you more when you show interest in them.
Part of this whole disconnect also has to do with being Swedish. The culture of being Swedish includes mind your own business. The whole mentality of that if you have problems, the government will take care of you, not your friends or neighbours. Mind your own business. You don’t say hi to someone you just happen to meet on your way to your house, mind your own business. You don’t ask how are you to the check out girl in the grocery and you certainly don’t get personally involved in her stories (you gossip about it behind her back instead), mind your own business. As rough as those viking Swedes may sound, there are the other side of the coin. A Swedish friend is not just someone you run in to and say hello. It is someone who will give blood for you, if you should need it.
I’m certain you can see where this discussion is going: you want your friends to be real and letting new ones might interpret as in taking bigger risks. I’ll leave that discussion for another blog 😉
As an only child, when I say that I think the Universe evolves around me, I really mean it. People say it as a metaphor or to exaggerate, I mean it. So over the years I’ve got around to teach myself/discover that this is not quite true. Everything does not start and end with me – thankfully! Yet there is still a part of me which feel connected. Connected to the whole being, the whole Universe. I recently discover, in spite of it all, I’m actually quite right about what I initially thought. No, the Universe does not start and end with me, BUT we ARE all connected to the Universe. We are all part of it.
This in turns means that to be a ‘loner’ is very harmful. If you disassociate from the rest of the world, you disconnect from the source (or whichever you prefer to call it). Suddenly your intuition is weakened and you get no feedback from the world. You miss out on the life. Certainly, at times it is good, if not even necessary, to be on your own to process life. But that is very different from disconnected.
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